


not perfect (not by a long shot)

by civillove



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26424373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: A silly fight about the dishwasher between Sebastian and Blaine turns into a serious one about relationships because my boys are dumb.--It starts over something stupid.Blaine’s tired from a grueling theater schedule and has significantly less patience than he usually does. Sebastian breaks a mug, one of his favorite Halloween mugs, because he insists on doing dishes by hand sometimes even though they paid for an apartment with a dishwasher. I am a dishwasher, his boyfriend so helpfully caws sometimes, just to dig under Blaine’s skin. And that’s when he decides he’s going to do the dishes at all because half the time they’re left around the bedroom like sour Easter eggs.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 22
Kudos: 73





	not perfect (not by a long shot)

**Author's Note:**

> I really like it when seblaine argue and I really like it when they make up. That’s it, that’s the fic.

It starts over something stupid.

Blaine’s tired from a grueling theater schedule and has significantly less patience than he usually does. Sebastian breaks a mug, one of his _favorite_ Halloween mugs, because he insists on doing dishes by hand sometimes even though they paid for an apartment with a dishwasher. _I am a dishwasher,_ his boyfriend so helpfully caws sometimes, just to dig under Blaine’s skin. And that’s when he decides he’s going to do the dishes at _all_ because half the time they’re left around the bedroom like sour Easter eggs.

So yeah, it starts out like that because they rarely argue about anything serious right off the bat. It’s little jabs or digs and byproducts of living with another person that you _love_ even though some of the things they do drive you crazy. Blaine knows that he’s not perfect, far from it, but sometimes sharing an apartment with Sebastian makes him want to move all his shit up to the roof just for some space.

Blaine’s been keeping to himself because he knows he’s in a bad mood already and he doesn’t want to start World War three over his boyfriend not folding dish towels correctly (otherwise the drawer sticks when you try to open it and Sebastian _knows_ that). But then he hears the crunching _shatter_ of something falling in the kitchen and he lets a slow breath out of his nose.

He wills his body to stay still but his legs are already moving. He puts his script down on the couch and pauses at the doorway of the kitchen, watching Sebastian sweep up large shards of orange ceramic into a trashcan. There are leftover suds on his hands and wrists and Blaine shakes his head—

His boyfriend looks apologetic but not _sorry enough_ because, “We have a dishwasher.” Blaine says, it has to be at least the thousandth time he’s said those words in this very doorway.

Sebastian sighs like he knew it was coming and stands from the floor after making sure he has all the pieces. Blaine’s almost certain he sees the chunk of a fractured pumpkin face under the table but he doesn’t say anything and crosses his arms over his chest instead.

“I don’t like the dishwasher; it never gets the job done how it’s supposed to anyways. And it makes a weird moaning noise.”

“You don’t load it right,” Blaine tuts because apparently he’s not going to let this go any time soon, “It works perfectly fine, you just don’t know how to use it.”

Sebastian gives him a look before grabbing a towel to dry his hands, “I’m not talking to you while you’re miserable. If you want to nag on someone, call your ex.”

Blaine bristles at the mention of Kurt but bites down, hard, on the inside of his cheek. Sebastian somehow _always_ brings up Kurt in the moment a conversation turns for the worst. It’s because his boyfriend knows that it’s a button for him, that it’s painful compared to a lot of other things he could say. He aims for the jugular and Blaine should learn to expect it, he’s been like that since high school.

“I’m not miserable,” He counters easily (even though he most definitely is) and walks towards the sink to gather up leftover dishes to put into the dishwasher. “You’re the one being a jerk—you didn’t even apologize for breaking my mug.”

“Sorry,” Sebastian says through his teeth, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth—it’s not kind, it’s venomous. He’s feeding off of Blaine’s negative energy, “You could do with less mugs anyways, we don’t have enough cabinet space for you to have ten mugs per holiday.” He picks up the trash can, “My bad, _nine.”_ And slams it back where it belongs on the other side of the counter.

That’s the very moment Blaine should turn around and go back into the living room, sit quietly with his script, cool off, apologize in the morning when they’ve both gotten some sleep. Instead, he puts one of his hands on his hips and glares at him.

“You know, I don’t think I ask you for very much. The _least_ you can do is use the fucking dishwasher when you’re handling _my_ mugs.”

Sebastian shakes his head and straightens his shoulders, making himself appear taller even though he already is. “This isn’t your last relationship, Anderson. Kurt may have been able to crack a whip to get you to do whatever he wanted but that’s not me.”

It’s _wildly_ exaggerating the toxicity of his relationship with Kurt but regardless of that? Why is he bringing up his ex, _again,_ when they’re talking about the dishwasher? Sebastian was there with him every step of the way after Blaine broke up with Kurt. There was a lot he had to do in order to find himself again, to put himself back together after so many pieces were taken without his knowledge. And for Sebastian to throw that back in his face?

Over the _dishwasher?_

He distantly knows that Kurt is a pressure point for both of them, even though Sebastian would never admit it.

“You don’t have any room to judge my last relationship, Sebastian. You’ve never been in one before this.” Blaine knows that he’s hitting a little bit below the belt even as the words come out of his mouth.

It’s just…it’s not fair. Blaine’s relationship with Kurt and how he’s struggled so hard to get to a good place with himself _and_ with Sebastian is somehow constantly under a microscope. Always in the back of Blaine’s mind, waiting, one of the most insecure periods of his life. He still has a hard time understanding how he managed to put himself in that place; how he’d lost so much of his confidence and self-assurance just so that he wasn’t alone.

It was like Kurt had been taking parts of Blaine in order to build _himself_ up.

But at least, now, he can honestly vocalize for what he doesn’t want in his life when it comes to a relationship. He’s constantly learning from past mistakes—Sebastian’s being really condescending about _that_ when he has no room to be?

The taller scoffs, “You think my life has only revolved around _you?_ Get over yourself. There have been guys before you and if I _really fucking wanted to,_ I could have whoever I wanted in my bed before the night was over.”

Blaine doesn’t mean to make an audible noise but the words hit him so fast that it kinda feels like whiplash. Old insecurities of not being good enough dig out from under his skin and despite the fact that he knows somewhere in the back of his mind that this fight is about _nothing,_ those words stab like a knife nonetheless.

“Well don’t let me _stop_ you,” He snaps, a vice-like grip choking his throat as moisture springs to his eyes.

Blaine hates that about himself, the fact that he wants to cry when he’s angry, frustrated or so _annoyed_ that he can’t process any other feeling. His entire body seizes up and emotion builds so heavily in his chest that he can’t do anything else but let tears slip down his cheeks.

But he won’t give Sebastian the satisfaction of seeing him like that.

“Go head! Go fuck other people, I don’t _care.”_ Blaine pushes past him, hitting into his shoulder as he goes towards the front door to grab his coat.

“Yeah go cry to your ex-boyfriend,” Sebastian throws back, “See if he’ll let you keep all your stupid mugs in _his_ cabinet.”

Blaine slams the door hard enough to splinter the wood on his way out.

\--

He takes the elevator up and down at least three times because he’s not sure what to do. If he would have just taken a deep breath and settled his thoughts before leaving the kitchen, he could have had the foresight to walk into their bedroom and shut the door instead. This would have forced Sebastian to either leave the apartment or sleep on the couch but…at least he’d be in his own bed instead of pacing around the complex.

Blaine eventually takes the elevator all the way to the roof, walking outside and letting the brisk air bring an overwhelming sense of calm to his nerves. He sniffles and runs a hand over his face, moving to lean against one of the walls to look down at the traffic below. He wants to be surprised that a conversation about a dishwasher blew up into a full argument about past and present insecurities but honestly? This is textbook for their relationship.

He sighs tiredly, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes for a moment—Sebastian’s right, he never should have started talking to him when he was miserable.

Blaine doesn’t know how long he’s up on the roof for but his nose is cold and he wishes he had a scarf. He’s still leaning against the far wall away from the elevator, watching New York city glisten around him. Despite the apartment space not being very big, he’s always been fond of this roof and view. It’s a nice place to escape and eventually, his boyfriend figures that out too.

He senses that Sebastian’s walking up from behind before he actually sees him, leaning against the wall next to Blaine and glancing down into the traffic below. It’s quiet for a moment, Sebastian rubbing his hands together against the cold. They stand like that for a little, side by side, gazing out into the glistening city.

“I went looking for you in three different places.”

Blaine hums a little, waffling his fingers together as his arms hang over the side of the building. He glances down, beneath them, at the front of the apartment complex. “I know…I watched you walk past the apartment twice.”

Sebastian’s eyes follow his gaze and a sharp laugh leaves his chest, something quick and short puffing vapor into the night air. “Didn’t think to call down to me? Help a guy out?”

There’s a twinge of a smile tugging the corners of Blaine’s mouth before he shakes his head, “Not a chance.”

The taller smirks, running a hand through his short hair. “I should have known you’d be up here. I checked the diner first and then called Cooper. He was _really_ helpful by giving zero suggestions and instead asking me how I fucked up.”

Blaine shakes his head, looking down at his hands, an amused look of his own surfacing. “When did you figure out where I was?”

“After I stopped by Rachel’s and realized you’d never go there.” A blanket of tension settles over both of their shoulders and Sebastian’s tentative for a moment, considering his words before he says them, “Because Kurt lives there too and despite what I said, you wouldn’t go to him for a bunch of reasons.”

“You’ve been bringing him up a lot recently,” Blaine mumbles, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“I say stupid shit when I’m mad,” Other unsaid emotions hang in the air; _upset, frustrated, annoyed._

Blaine purses his lips, shifting on his feet. His entire body aches from being cold and tired, wanting nothing more than to finish this conversation tomorrow after a good night’s sleep and a cup of coffee. Sebastian’s right though, he wouldn’t have ended up anywhere near Kurt—they’re not even friends. He’s kept in contact with Rachel, Santana and Sam but is rather purposeful when it comes to seeing them.

He picks times when his ex won’t be around. It’s not like he’s afraid to see him or anything—there’s no residual feelings, attraction or otherwise, that would send Blaine through a tailspin. He just _doesn’t_ want a person like that back in his life.

“I wouldn’t…go back to him, like that.” Blaine says after a moment because it seems like Sebastian needs to hear it. He doesn’t _love_ Kurt anymore; he doesn’t owe him anything…not even a friendship.

“You’ve done it before.” Sebastian looks down at his shoes, the tip of his boot taking apart the cement on the bottom of the wall.

“In _high_ school,” Blaine huffs out a soft laugh, he knows himself now and actually listens to his own wants and needs. “Come on, you know I love you. Even though you’re an idiot.”

A soft groan leaves his lips as he leans his head forward, pinching the bridge of his nose. God, this is so stupid, _him and Sebastian are so stupid._

“And I’m sorry,” Blaine says after a moment, turning to look at him. He leans his side against the wall, letting out a slow, patient breath. “I’m _really_ sorry I started a fight with you about the dishwasher.”

“I know,” Sebastian replies, shrugging, “But I let it get under my skin so it’s…it’s not just your fault. I knew you were miserable and I still tried to upset you.”

Blaine takes a step forward, hesitantly reaching for his boyfriend’s sleeve and is grateful when Sebastian meets him halfway and takes his hand in his. He squeezes his cold fingers, running his thumb over Blaine’s knuckles.

“I’m tired and testy,” Blaine says, waving his other hand as he talks, “This theater has got me so wound up. The director is an asshole and he just…has me questioning myself more than I usually do. I feel like I have to work twice as hard.”

Sebastian scrunches his nose, his other hand working through Blaine’s curls before resting his fingers on the back of his neck. “You’re incredible. Eventually this director will see that because it’s kinda hard to miss. You also need to give yourself a break when your body is telling you that you need one.”

He sighs and nods gently because he knows Sebastian is right and leans a little against his chest, reaching up on his toes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Let’s go back inside, I want to veg out on the couch.”

Sebastian holds onto his wrist as Blaine turns to walk towards the elevators, seemingly not done with the conversation. He pauses for a moment, wrestling with words under his tongue and Blaine’s patient while he waits. His eyes trace across Sebastian’s face, sensing the upset behind the soft green.

“Look, I’m really sorry too, okay? That stuff I said about being with other guys…” Sebastian shakes his head for a moment. “I just wanted to be mean.”

Blaine swallows, dipping his chin a little to glance at his shoes. “Well you accomplished that.”

“I think we both know that I’ve always wanted you,” Sebastian says quickly, his fingers slipping underneath Blaine’s jaw so that he’s looking at him again, “For a long time. And that isn’t going to change.”

Blaine smiles softly, something warm and genuine stirring in his chest before he kisses Sebastian’s fingers. He knows that and sometimes? It’s the only thing he’s ever sure of. This was a stupid fight where they said purposeful stuff to hurt one another and as soon as they walk into that elevator, they’re not going to dwell on it anymore.

“I promise not to bring up the dishwasher again.” Blaine says as he hits the number for their floor.

Sebastian smirks, “Honorable but doubtful.”

\--

They gather a lot of snacks from the kitchen and eat on the couch, script tossed to the side and argument long forgotten about when Sebastian picks a horror movie on Netflix. It’s something about a rundown haunted asylum but Blaine’s only half paying attention because he’s too busy stealing chips out of Sebastian’s bowl.

His boyfriend yanks him close and eventually kisses him, knowing that Blaine wants attention more than anything else. He’s not wrong. The salt and sugar rush keep them chatting about the plot for a while, Sebastian pointing out inconsistencies and rolling his eyes at some of the acting while Blaine scrunches his nose at the blood and holds a pillow to his chest during a few of the more eerie scenes. Eventually, he puts that pillow on Sebastian’s lap and lets gravity take over, lying down on the couch. The moment he makes this decision he knows he’s done watching the movie, pulling a blanket from a nearby chair to cover his body.

A yawn slips out of his mouth, eyes fluttering closed every so often until a loud noise jerks him awake. Sebastian smirks, settling his hand down on his shoulder, “I dunno why you try and pretend like you’re not asleep. We can go to bed.”

Blaine whines softly and stretches his legs, pushing his face into the pillow as he focuses on the TV. “Because I’m totally okay and awake.”

He can feel Sebastian roll his eyes, “So stubborn.”

“I’ve been told it’s a very attractive quality.”

Sebastian says nothing about that but he starts playing dirty by trailing his hand up and down Blaine’s back, squeezing his side every so often, his fingers eventually trailing into his hair. He plays with a few curls, massages his scalp, and does the process all over again.

“That’s not fair.” He says softly, leaning into Sebastian’s administrations.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Blaine huffs out a small noise but snuggles closer, letting his boyfriend lull him to sleep.

\--

When Blaine wakes up the next morning on the couch, Sebastian’s already gone for classes. He sighs and eventually pulls himself up, needing to shower before his own day starts. He wanders into the kitchen for coffee and finds his pumpkin mug that was broken last night on the counter, carefully glued together, piece by piece.

He smiles softly, brushing his thumb over the handle. It’s not perfect, not by a long shot, but Blaine finds that he loves it a bit more like this than he did before.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading :)


End file.
